a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
