Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
