Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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