The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
