Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
