Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So many bounce houses so little time
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We need to get me chipped asap
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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