Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
