please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
