I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
