Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
