His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
