I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
