I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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