god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
