i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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