you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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