His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dear god my vagina.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
