i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
