AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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