y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
