I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
