i think my tv is drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
