I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
