..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
