I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had to cum in my sink.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
