Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I supernannyed him into submission
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
