I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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