i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
