I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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