dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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