People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
