you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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