She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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