I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
