Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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