I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
