I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
