I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
