While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
