If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
