no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
