I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
