Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
