To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
