worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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