when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
