She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
