I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
