Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
