Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
