I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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