So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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