woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
